Lost in the Past
by Sazzy.x.x
Summary: One-shot set after series 1, assuming Andy had left as planned.


**A/N: This is the first fic I've actually posted up so reviews equal love, constructive criticism welcome :) xx**

* * *

As they sat around the briefing table, Janet desperately tried to take in what Gill was saying about their latest case. She didn't normally have any trouble concentrating; she loved her job but today was exactly a year since she'd been attacked by the man she was meant to be helping. And it also happened to be exactly a year since Andy had told her he loved her.

All she could do was replay last night's argument with Aide in her head again and wonder how she'd ended up in such a loveless marriage. That familiar pang of regret began to surface in her heart, making her question her decision for the umpteenth time.

"So we'll have DS Roper back with us for a couple of weeks to hopefully shed some new light on this case."

Gill's voice cut through her thoughts and she blinked twice, hoping she'd heard wrong, hoping the situation would miraculously disappear. She began to panic and then cast a surreptitious glance around the table to check her reaction had gone unnoticed.

...

The last time he'd seen Janet was nine months ago at his leaving party. Best wishes, a swift peck on the cheek. Their formal farewell had looked awkward and impersonal to everyone, but the team all had their suspicions anyway. She'd made her decision and he couldn't - wasn't even going to attempt to - change her mind. She'd chosen Adrian over him and so as a single tear escaped her gorgeous eyes and she slipped out of the room, he used all his willpower and didn't follow.

And now he had to walk back in there like didn't still love her, like he wouldn't do anything for her and like he didn't know that at least part of her felt the same.

...

"Rachel, I can't do it," Janet addressed her friend, washing her hands and staring into the mirror. Nothing had changed about the location of all their important conversations.

"'Course you can, come on you got through childbirth, your interview got Hastings locked up. Seeing a guy you once had a bit of a thing with is no big deal."

Janet paused and took a deep breath. "When he carried me out of my house that day he told me he loved me and you don't know how close I was to saying it back. If I wasn't married… well let's put it this way; he wouldn't have had to change syndicates just for self preservation," Janet confessed, running a hand through her unusually unkempt blonde hair. "And I'm having a really bad hair day," she added with an exasperated laugh, as their exchange was interrupted by their boss.

"Time to face the music," Janet muttered, plastering on a mask of confidence that couldn't have been further from the truth.

...

There he was perched on her desk chatting to one of the lads, looking at ease and still as gorgeous as ever. Rachel took the lead, greeting Andy with a customary hug and 'how are you?' Janet followed, going through the motions, but feeling none of it. The only conscious thought that reached anywhere near the front of her brain was to remember to thank Rachel later for breaking the awkward stalemate before it became immediately obvious to the entire office that Janet's brain didn't really function around Andy.

He knew she was avoiding eye contact and he knew his looking at her probably wasn't helping. In the split second his eyes left her and then returned, Janet raised her head, slipping her glasses off and their eyes met properly for the first time in what felt like eternity.

The look said so much. The look said I'm sorry. The look said I loved you. The look said I still love you. The look said I made the wrong choice. The look said I know you know it too.

"Rachel, I need you to interview Chapman, and the son's turned up; Andy, Janet you two bring him in," Gill's voice rang out across the office in her usual business-like manner.

Janet inwardly groaned. She'd been avoiding Andy for the last couple of days. Yes, it was immature and clearly not going to work forever, but she'd done everything she could to avoid being alone with him. She was normally the first to suggest everyone decamping to the pub but she hadn't gone this week, feigning reasons why she needed to be home early.

She'd cooked for Adrian and made a special effort, almost as if it would magic away her guilt over how she felt for another man.

...

The tension was visible to a passerby as the two got into Andy's car and he reached to turn on the radio, an afterthought to mask the atmosphere.

Ultra-polite small talk about the case, nothing else until the car screeched to a halt at a set of red traffic lights in a distance far shorter than you would expect. It caught Janet off-guard and as she sat back in her seat she ventured with more than a hint of humour in her voice "I see nothing's changed about your driving."

"Were you really expecting it to have?" he countered almost instantly.

She sighed. "What are you doing here Andy?"

"Look, I'm here for work and nothing else. I tried to get out of this placement but it was made fairly clear to me that I had no choice in the matter." He hesitated. "I'm not here to cause trouble and I'm not going to make you chose again, because you've already made your decision."

"More's the pity," she said not much louder than a whisper and with little conviction.

The elephant in the car had finally been acknowledged.

As they pulled up to the suspect's house, minds abruptly returning to the case, Andy's proposal took her by surprise. "Let me buy you dinner tonight." He turned to look at her with a confidence he did not feel, awaiting her response.

The smile she gave him told him all he needed to know. It was an infectious smile that one couldn't help but return. Yet it was also a secret smile reserved for lovers, just for him. Her smile brightened up his world, and performed every other cliché in the book.

That night she didn't go home early. She went home very late indeed.


End file.
